Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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