Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize