I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
