I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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