Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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