So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
