I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Oh god it's open bar.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
