They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
