he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
All I want is dick and wine.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
