I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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