i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
