What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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