youre lurking in front of me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
