I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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