Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
