Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Randomize
