was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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