I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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