They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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