Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
