There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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