I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
