I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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