I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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