1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
