I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
