I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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