"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
