Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
