names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
