did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
