No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
