yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Someone came in the potted fern
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
