in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
