she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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