Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
