All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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