seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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