So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
