he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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