ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
