but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize