Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
