Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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