Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
