Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
