I think im going to throw up on grandma
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I didn't notice because vodka
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize