WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
