What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize