Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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