We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
