I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
