theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
