I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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