so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
