My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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