The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Even my vagina gasped.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
