Duck Duck Cougar?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
