I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
