"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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