I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
