woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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