I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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