OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You need Xanax blowdarts
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
