I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
