He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
