Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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