What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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