So drunk its hurt
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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