In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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