Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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