So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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