i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
